Old journal needed to gtfo, it was depressing.

And I'm sorry about that. ;A;

I'M AN OPTIMIST. I CAN KEEP MY CHIN UP.

-isagiraffenow-

Updates? YOU WANT UPDATES? HOW ABOUT MANDATES?

What? Why am I so hypter? >> I dunno, but I guess if I'm happy, it's okay. :'D

SO I FEEL HORRIBLE BECAUSE I WON'T FINISH ANY CHRISTMAS PICTURES FOR ANYONE. ;A; All you guys are so awesome, and I can't draw anything back a;sjfaie. ;; Well just know that I really do love you guys - and try to take that as personally as you can, really, 'cause you're awesome. C:

I've been considering taking up a real career with art. Making a portfolio and stuff. Maybe majoring in it in college or something. I still don't know what I wanna do when I go to college though, and that scares me... I've done a lot of things in my life, but I never got exceptionally good at anything. And that has gotten me NO WHERESSSS. I am one scared Fluff on that subject. xD

POKEMON.

Moving on. I'm eating Cool Ranch Doritos, in case you wanted to know. CCB

Anything else you guys should know about... I passed all my final exams... uhhhh... getting a snowboard for Christmas... hmmm...

OH I HAS A QUESTION, PLZ ANSWER OKAI OR ELSE I GO ALL HYPER LYK DIS ON UR ASS.

What should I draw next? I do a lot of Siki and Lion King and stuff, but what would you guys like to see me try, if anything? <: Normally I'd make a poll, but I lack a subscription. :'D

Speaking of which, I really, really, really, really need money (just like everyone else I guess, but eh). Would anyone be interested in commissioning me? IT'S OKAY IF YOU'RE NOT, I'M NOT THAT GOOD YET I UNDERSTAND LOL. xD

I think I'm gonna write a quick story before I go to sleep. Do you guys like my writing? xD

SORRY. CURIOSITY. I IS NOT ATTENTION SEEKER.

-bangstincup-

I dunno what's wrong with me.

Happy Fluffy has returned, be happy with her. C:

Love you guys,

-Siki

Tagged by
I GOT A SNOWBOARD FOR CHRISTMASSSS.
I got to pick it out, it's a nice ol' k2 with Burton boots. <333 I don't get it until Christmas, but it's so sexy. <3

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage = Sprite.
2. last phone call = Mom.
3. last text message = Saz.
4. last song you listened to = "Transformation" - Alan Menken (From the Beauty and the Best soundtrack)
5. last time you cried = Last night.

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice = Yes, but it was like, break up, wait a few months, date someone else, then get back.
7. been cheated on = I sure hope not.
8. kissed someone & regretted it = Kinda not really?
9. lost someone special = Yes...
10. been depressed = Yes.
11. been drunk and threw up = No, I'm good, thanks.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. A more-blue turquoise.
13. Purple.
14. Red.

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend = Yes.
16. Fallen out of love = Nope.
17. Laughed until you cried = Many times.
18. Met someone who changed you = Yes.
19. Found out who your true friends were = Still figuring it out.
20. Found out someone was talking about you = I don't care about it.
21. Kissed anyone on your DA friend's list = No.

GENERAL:
22. How many people on your DA friends list do you know in real life = I guess just one.
24. Do you have any pets = A dog.
25. Do you want to change your name = Not really.
26. What did you do for your last birthday = Went to a waterpark with two other friends for a night.
27. What time did you wake up today = 8 a.m.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = Cryinggg~
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = Nothing anymore.
30. Last time you saw your Mother = Before she left for work this morning.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = I wish that... I wish I wasn't so shy.
32. What are you listening to right now = I don't know.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom = Yes'm. My Uncle Tom, who actually died this past summer.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now = My slow-ass computer.
35. Most visited webpage = FAA, DA, and Facebook.
37. Nicknames = Agent Fluffy, Fluffer
38. Relationship Status = Single. I don't wanna talk about it, okayyyy? 8D
39. Zodiac sign = Aries, kick-ass ram.
40. He or She = She, kthnx.
41. Elementary = When I could count to ten~
42. High School = Is better than I thought, but not great.
43. College = I'm scared. I don't know what I want to do.
44. Hair color = Blondeish brown.
45. Long or short = In the middle?
46. Height = like 5' 8"
47. Do you have a crush on someone? = ...
48. What do you like about yourself? = Uhh... I'll get back to you when I find something.
49. Piercings = My singles.
50. Tattoos = None.
51. Righty or lefty = Righty.

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery = Uhh... minor oral surgery when I was 14.
53. First piercing = Ears.
54. First best friend = My friend Emma who lived two houses down. <: I actually just got back in touch with her after like, 10 years of not speaking.
55. First sport you joined = Softball!
56. First vacation = Montana.
58. First pair of trainers = ...None?

RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating = Just finished my lunch of ravioli.
60. Drinking = Sprite.
61. I'm about to = Go to my uncle's for Christmas.
62. Listening to = Wasn't this already asked?
63. Waiting for = Nothing anymore. Again, already asked.

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids? = Yes. ;;
65. Get Married? = Someday.
66. Career? = I don't know, I'm too scared to think of that stuff right now. I have no clue.

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes = Eyes.
68. Hugs or kisses = Hugs.
69. Shorter or taller = Doesn't matter. A shorter guy would be kinda awkward... but girls I don't mind. xD
70. Older or Younger = Doesn't matter.
71. Romantic or spontaneous = Spontaneously romantic?
72. Nice stomach or nice arms = Uhhh... stomach I guess?
73. Sensitive or loud = Sesnitively loud. Haha I made up a word.
74. Hook-up or relationship = Relationship. ;;
75. Trouble maker or hesitant = A combination?

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger = no
77. Drank hard liquor = Hell no.
78. Lost glasses/contacts = Yeah I've lost my glasses a few times. xD
79. Sex on first date = Nope.
80. Broken someone's heart = I don't know... I hope not... ><
81. Had your own heart broken = Mm.
82. Been arrested = Nope.
83. Turned someone down = No one to turn down.
84. Cried when someone died = Oddly, no... I tend to not cry when people die...
85. Fallen for a friend = Guilty.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself = Not really.
87. Miracles = Anything's possible.
88. Love at first sight = It happened to my parents, so yeah, it's possible.
90. Santa Claus = Sint Nicolas
91. Kiss on the first date = I wouldn't... but if it floats your boat, go ahead.
92. Angels = Yeah, they're there.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
93. Had more than one gf/bf = Not at a time. xDDDD What am I, a whore?
95. Did you sing today = In the car.
96. Ever cheated on somebody = Fuck no. I'm sooo loyal.
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go, and why = July 22, 2009, the happiest day ever.
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be = Last yearr... uhh, the day I dumpped my boyfriend, and wish I'd stuck with it. ><
99. Are you afraid of falling in love = No...
100. Afraid of posting this as 100 truths = Not really.

"Scratch that.
Hold up.
Stop the presses.
Rewind.
Going back to that place I thought I'd left behind.

I'm done.
No more.
Stop it all.
Rewind.
Going to be sad for just a little longer, don't you mind.

Please don't worry, I'll be fine
No, I'm serious, I'll be fine.
People just say it
But I really mean it
I'll be fine

Just give it some time
For me to heal
Pain never lasts forever
I knew it was too good to be real."

Happy Anniversary, my love. [:

I'm sorry I didn't have anything better planned... those texts you sent last night were completely amazing. <3 I loved and smiled at the fact how we both sat up and waited until 12:00 midnight hit, and we just rammed each other. Phone calls, texts, voice messages - it was a great way to start off the celebration of 4 months of knowing we loved each other so much.

(Though, according to you, you've loved me before that. )

Truth be told, so did I.

Do you remember that journal from a long time ago? That 12 things to 12 people?

I've loved you for a very, very, very long time, kiddo, and I still and always will<333332

I'll see you later today. I want to ask my mom if I can get up there to see you and give you all this candy I bought for you. If not, we'll just wait until next month, when we go see the Princess and the Frog. >:3

Have an amazing day, don't stress yourself too much over homework, and I'll most certainly talk to you later. [:

I love you so much. So. Incredibly. Much.

Truly.
Madly.
Deeply.
<72209

[Taken from ]

1. I got a 4.1 GPA (from a 4.0 GPA scale) on my first quarter of grades this year. I'm incredibly smart, and I don't really need to try. Lotsssss of people don't like me for this, but I don't like that, since I really have no control over how smart I am. And just because I'm that smart in school doesn't mean I'm that smart out of school. It takes me a while to catch on to what people are saying. You actually sometimes need to repeat yourself to me (or, if it's an online conversation, I may need to read the text more than twice). But once I get it, boy do I get it. I'm just a bit slower than most.

2. I am, typically, one of the most optimistic people you'll come to know. I've had people come crying to me, and in the end, I get them to laugh again. I don't know what it is about me - I can just do it. I have an extremely positive shield around me, and I like to rub it off so other people can have the same happiness as I do. I don't wanna be selfish, now do I? Granted, I will have those days/weeks/moments that I'll be a bit depressed, and it hurts, but I'll always somehow get up on my feet again. Life's far too short to stay so low for so long.

3. I have blonde hair, but that's not its natural color. I wanted blonde hair to be different than an ordinary brown. Sure, I may look... well, sorry to stereotype, but I may look stupid - but I don't care. I think it looks nice on me. And if any of you DO have brown hair, don't take it offensively. xD I didn't like brown hair on ME. It was too blahhh for me. I'm positive your brown hair is beautiful. [:

4. I have a slight tendency to dislike myself. Something happened to me, and it pretty much destroyed my self-perception of me. But, what I've learned, is that things need to break apart so that they can be fixed again. Lucky for me, I've had people come and help me fix myself up. Telling me how beautiful I am; how strong I am; how much I'm worth to them; how much they love me. And I believe them. I've been surely repairing my self-confidence, thanks to... you. It feels great to feel great about yourself. If you have a self-confidence problem, here's a tip: Every day in the morning, look at yourself, whether it be at a mirror or just at your body, and pick out one thing you like about yourself that day. Even if it's a, "Eh, my toes don't look so bad today" - just do it. [:

5. I looooooooooooove listening and giving advice. As you can so plainly see above, it's just something I do naturally and don't realize I do it half the time. I've been told by just about everyone I know that I'm incredibly easy to talk to. I don't judge, I'm incredibly understanding, and I'm here to help. The problem with me, is that YOU need to come to ME, because 96% of the time, I'm too shy to go to you.

6. I'm bisexual. I'm dating a girl. I started figuring I was bisexual at the beginning of my sophomore year (10th grade), when I felt a strange attraction to girls. I could understand them better. I could connect with them better. I'm someone who likes to hold rather than be held - and with a guy, it's hard to do. But I still love guys so much. I can connect with them, too, they're just a tad bit harder to understand. But I get both genders, and both are incredibly good-looking, and both are completely date-able. It goes against my religion... and I can't tell my mom that I'm bi, as much as I love her... but I will stick by what I know, because it's what makes me happy, and that's all what you people want these days it seems.

7. 72,209 is my favorite number. So is 22. On July 22, 2009 (7/22/09), I found out that someone loved me and TRULY loved me for me. I will always remember that number for as long as I live, because that's the day my life changed for the better. So much better. She's helped me think so much better about myself, my family, and my life in general. She's helped me mature. She's given me someone to love so much. She's given me her heart. She's given me her live - all I could ever HOPE to possess. I say it so much, but I truly; deeply; madly love her. We've been through disappointments, joys, terrible news, breakups, successes, and tears together. I can truly say I will always love her like I do, even if the inevitable happened. I hope to God she sees this - because she should know how much I really, really love HER. Even if she feels like she's let me down, or shut me out, or disappointed me, or mad me sad, or made me angry, I will always forgive her and love her to bits and pieces. I hate going to bed at night, because that means I need to say goodbye for a few hours. I can't stand leaving her. And even though there's a great distance between us, I don't care. Just knowing that she's thinking of me, knowing that she loves me like she does, it does my soul justice. I say "I love you" so much that I'm afraid of over-using it, and it'll lose meaning, but I don't know how else to put it other than that. People have over-used the word "love" itself that I feel like it doesn't mean enough to the level that I truly love her. I don't say "ilu." Ever. Because I need to spell it out. That's how much she means to me. ...Wow, I could write forever about this...

8. I've had swine flu, and it's not as bad as people make it out to be. Sure, it's bad, you miss a week of school, but it's not AS BAD as everyone says. xD You're not gonna die. You're not gonna puke your guts out. You're not gonna sneeze your eyes out. You're gonna have a stomach ache, maybe throw up a few times, get a super high fever for a day, and just wanna curl up in a ball for hours at time. But really. You're not gonna dieee. xD

9. I really hate it when people over-obsess over art theft. I mean seriously, devoting your life to finding "teh noobz" on the internet to find a couple of pictures that could just be reported anyway? Why make a huge fuss about it? Why say "OHHH I CRY BECAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH ART THEFT AND IT'S GIVING ME SO MUCH STRESS AND I'M ALWAYS LOOKING FOR THOSE STUPID-ASS NOOBS~" I mean, seriously? You HAVE a choice. xD You can seriously just QUIETLY report the sighting and let the moderators or administrators take care of any stolen art. We don't need excessive reports, we don't need a head-count of who's stolen what, and we don't need to hear constant complaining about it, seriously. xD Sorry if it seems like it's directed to you personally, because it's not, and don't get me wrong, art theft is really bad, but why do we need sooooo much attention to it? It's more than likely you're just feeding a troll of what they want - drama. THAT'S that. xD

10. Tor, I miss you. I hope you'll read this, because I miss talking with you and having you around all the time. I'm sorry that I don't start conversations - I'm just always afraid I'll be interrupting something, or you'll not want to talk to anyone. And I'm sorry if I did something to make you mad and not want to talk to me... but I really miss you being my best friend. I don't quite understand what's been going on in your life all the way, and I'm sorry that I can't help... but I can still be someone to talk to. I'm trying, I really am, I just don't know what else to do. I really miss you, and I pray for you ever night before I go to bed. I hope to God everything will be okay for you soon, because you deserve it. Ilu Tor. -superhugglesquashclingglomptothefloortot hemax-

[Bonus] 11. I love you guys. C: (But, sorry, I love Saz a bit more. PP)